Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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