I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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