I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
