I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
