"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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