I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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