He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
