I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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