im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
did i just pee glitter
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