i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
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you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
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This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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