Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
