About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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