What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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