I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
