Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
