All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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