life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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