6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
