tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
