the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
