p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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