don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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