I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Michael Bay diarrhea
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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