I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
