Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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