I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
