Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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