these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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