I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
