i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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