drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
