I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
