She is in my trunk
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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