I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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