11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
