my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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