I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
