I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
