Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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