you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
