I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
