kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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