Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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