i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
operation have a gay friend backfired
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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