He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
