He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize