I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
