is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Soap is not a condiment
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
