One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
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I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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