ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
