your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
