I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
