Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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