i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
