I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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