he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
