i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
