Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dicks are not precious.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
