Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
