Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize