do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
