Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
