now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
