im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
