He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
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we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
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He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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