So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
