Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
