i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
