And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
