I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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